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The Biggest Gaming Disappointments Of 2022
8.12.2022
Congrats everyone, you all made it through another awful pandemic year! 2022 is nearly at an end, meaning that it’s a good time to look back at all the terrible and disappointing shit that happened over the last 12 months. It’s enough to make me crave a distraction from it all, maybe even hop into...
Nintendo Says It ‘Cares’ About Smash Bros. Fans As Tournament Dispute Continues
2.12.2022
If you’ve been following the dizzying drama around the Smash World Tour, you may have seen Nintendo’s new statement regarding the tournament’s sudden cancellation. The Mario maker has said it “cares about Super Smash Bros. fans,” expressly stating that esports organization Panda Global had...
The Internet Loves Donkey Kong’s Ass In The Super Mario Bros. Movie
30.11.2022
When Nintendo uploaded the first promotional image for The Super Mario Bros. Movie, fans were quick to clown on the plumber for his concave ass. The looming question on everyone’s mind was whether or not Mario’s one-time nemesis Donkey Kong would have his ass nerfed too. Thankfully, DK has enough...
Everyone Sounds Awesome In The New Mario Movie But Mario
30.11.2022
Now that we’ve all been properly satiated with memes from the second Super Mario Bros. Movie trailer, it’s time to re-address the elephant in the room: Chris Pratt’s vocal performance as Mario is holding this film back.Read more
Brace Yourselves, The Mario Movie Will Have Toad Sing
14.10.2022
Before The Super Mario Bros. Movie’s lack-of-cake teaser image and subsequent lack-of-an-Italian-accented Chris Pratt in the trailer took over the internet’s subconscious, rumors of there being musical numbers at some point in Nintendo and Illumination’s animated film perked fans’ ears. Now, those...
Here's What The Super Mario Movie Sounds Like In Actual Italian
7.10.2022
True to his word, Chris Pratt will not be “offending Italians” in his leading role in the Super Mario Bros. movie. In fact, his voiced performance in the official trailer was so lackluster that I can’t help but wonder: What if Mario had been more Italian? It turns out, I didn’t have to wonder...
Anime Might Help Predict What Happens In The Mario Movie
7.10.2022
Hey, did anything happen to get revealed yesterday? I’m kidding, yes, the first official trailer for the Super Mario Bros. movie, of course. While half the internet is losing their collective minds over the vocal performance of Chris Pratt, another, more cultured subset of the interwebs has started...
That McDonald's Mario Movie Leak With Princess Peach Looks Real Now
7.10.2022
Nintendo’s trailer for Super Mario Bros. Movie is finally out in the world, and so is Chris Pratt’s extremely normal dude Mario voice. The first look didn’t explain why everyone’s favorite Italian plumber lost his ass, but it does appear to confirm the recent leak of a Mario movie calendar by...
The Vibes Are Immaculate With Jack Black As Bowser In The Mario Movie
6.10.2022
Nobody is excited about Chris Pratt’s Normal Dude rendition of Mario in Nintendo’s upcoming Super Mario Bros. movie, but that’s perfectly okay. The disappointment is balanced out by the sheer hype we now all have after hearing Jack Black as Bowser. It sounded like perfect casting the moment it...
Mario Movie's First Trailer Reveals Chris Pratt Sounds Like Just A Dude, No Accent
6.10.2022
Today, a Nintendo Direct dedicated entirely to the upcoming Super Mario movie gave us our first proper look at the film, letting us see what all the familiar characters will look like and, more importantly, letting us hear what Chris Pratt sounds like as Nintendo’s mustachioed hero. It’s all timed...
Tragic: Nobody Can Find Mario's Ass In Our First Look At The Nintendo Movie
4.10.2022
Today, Nintendo revealed a first look at the upcoming Super Mario Bros. movie ahead of its official trailer release coming this week at New York Comic Con, and its glorious, save for the disenchanting washboard ass of its titular character, Mario. Read more
Mamma Mia, Someone's Remaking Super Mario Bros. With A Realistic Chris Pratt
30.9.2022
It feels like it was only yesterday when Shigeru Miyamoto pulled the goomba rug out from under our collective gamer asses with the surprise announcement of the bizarre Hollywood cast of the upcoming Super Mario Bros. movie. While the casting of Chris Pratt in the starring role horrified many,...
Shigeru Miyamoto Accidentally Trolled Everyone During The Big Nintendo Direct
13.9.2022
Tuesday’s Nintendo Direct was a much-hyped affair, with a whopping 40 minutes dedicated to the Japanese company’s portable console and its games. Most people kept their expectations somewhat in check for this, because Nintendo said that the event would largely focus on products coming out this...